My "F" Story: Part 2, The Effects

If you haven't read Part 1, the story about how I almost received an F, please check it out now.

Now, Part 2, is the symptoms of a law student with a failing grade.

1 - It started with that awful "world is spinning, I feel faint, why can't I get enough air"feeling that is probably best categorized as shock.  I think that is the best way to describe it.

2 - Unfortunately, the feeling of shock has only just hit when the second symptom sets in.  Almost as soon as I saw the grade, I started thinking of ways to hide it.  Maybe this is denial, but I think it has more to do with shame.  I really didn't want anyone to know about it, more than I didn't want to admit it to myself.  Actually, the odd thing is, I think I accepted it almost immediately.

3 - The "Happy Face" then comes into play, at least if you are in a situation like mine where you can't escape other people.  And of course, Murphy's Law sets in.  First of all, I am actually home with my parents.  I go home once or twice a year, for one or two days at a time.  What are the odds?  Then, of course, my mom calls me down for dinner, and law school comes up during dinner.  Then, to top it all off, my dad decides he wants to sit on the back porch and have a cigar with me after dinner (which I wasn't about to turn down) and of course the conversation turns straight to "What might you do with your career? Where do you want to go from here?"

4 - The next step, at least for me, was a feeling of extreme failure.  It really stung that I might actually have failed a class, and what made it worse, was I really tried.  I put in a ton of effort, took my studies seriously, and felt proud about them.  I started thinking that, although it sounds coy, I was a failure.

5 - About this time I was arriving back in Baltimore, and I did get into the "I need to fight this!" kick.  I counted out my papers, saw that I did well, knew there must be a mistake.  I did my research, got my facts together, gathered evidence.  Then I started emailing and calling people who I thought could help me.  This actually was a really good step.  Unfortunately it all happened Friday afternoon, and none of the people I called or emailed were in their offices.

6 - This is when it got really bad.  I stopped being able to sleep, at all.  When I did drift off for a few moments, I kept waking up to nightmares.  I was wearing my best suit.  I walk into a an office. I sit down, smile, look confident.  "So, I have reviewed your resume, but I have to ask you, what about this F you received in ITA?" I try to explain... the curve... tough teacher... learned a lot... poor program...  "Ok, but how is that different from any other day in court? You can do perfectly passable work, but if opposing counsel does better, and moves the curve up, you lose."  Then I wake up.

7 - Along this time, another really surreal thing kept happening.  I kept trying to make plans for my future.  Well, I can always go back into Psych Rehab.  Maybe I will just become a full time bartender.  I suppose I could try and transfer, but where can I transfer too?

8 - The worst part was, I couldn't shake these feelings.  When I went to my internship Monday morning, My Judge asked me a few times how my weekend was.  He is an awesome guy and will actually remember things I have told him the week before, but asked a few times.  I didn't want to say anything though, imagine how disappointed he would be in me.

9 - On lunch break I get the call from Academic Support, it looks like there is an error and I passed.  I hang up the phone and cry.

10 - On getting back to court, My Judge wants to know where I got lunch.  I tell him Burger King.  He wants to know who I "was with" at lunch.  I tell him no one, but I found out I didn't fail.  He admonishes me for not telling him in the morning.  He then proceeds to spend 45 minutes counseling me on success, hard work, and what is really important.

"If there is one thing I have learned in my professional career, it is that with hard work ultimately you can find success, even in spite of your own best efforts to the contrary."

11 - That Friday, I receive an official grade change letter from UB.  The rest of my grades go up as well. On the next Monday, My Judge asks me about it, I tell him.  He introduces me to the Head Administrative Judge, the Governor's wife, and an Assistant State's Attorney with 30 years experience as having "first year grades that would make us all jealous."  Probably hyperbole, but they don't know that!

I don't know how this sounds to the rest of you.  About right? Did I over react? Under react?  Post 3 is going to be a philosophical discussion of grades and their inflated importance, but in the meantime, does anyone want to share their own stories?

My "F" Story: Part 1, The Story

Be warned, this one is going to be a little wordy...

We all know law school is competitive, and grades are not just letters, but bloody student gladiatorial events.  This post is about them.  And what happens when they go bad.

I received my first semester grades, and they weren't good, but weren't horrific either.  They did, immediately, close a ton of doors for me.  In fact, they slammed shut in my face.  I met with someone in career development, and she reviewed my resume, and gave me a serious talk and plan on how to improve.  Two things stood out: Decide why you are here, and pick up your grades.

Second semester I worked a lot harder, and took school a lot more seriously.  I really treated it like a 9-5 (or 7-3), joined study groups, and got back in the gym.  This was an amazing experience, which I blogged for UB about.  For finals, I studied religiously with one particular study partner, whom I call "Law School Buddy."  We worked through hypos, did practice problems, and generally encouraged each other.  I was feeling really really good about myself when finals actually got underway.

I took my finals, and felt confident that I did better, but of course it is law school, you never can truly feel great about a final.  School ended, I started my internship, and took a brief vacation to my parents house. While there one night, on a whim I decided to check my grades.  My overall semester GPA was a 1.3.

What
The
$#%^

When my heart started beating again, I wincingly opened the detailed report.  I had two courses with grades, one read "F."  Then my mom yelled for dinner.  I closed the browser and headed downstairs, trying to put it out of my mind, since I had nothing except for a change of clothes and my computer with me.

On arriving back in Baltimore, I went through my paperwork.  The class I had the F in was my Introduction to Advocacy class, where you write briefs, do research reports, and complete oral arguments. I had all my work, so I tallied up my grades, and was clearly passing.  I went on Facebook, contacted Moot Court Teammate (a good friend, so I can generally trust her to be honest about things like grades).

Me: Hey
Moot Court Teammate: Hey, I saw your message, what's up?
Me: Not much, how is summer?
MCT: Good, did you survive the ITA B.S.?
Me: Uh, what do you mean?
MCT: The curve screwed a lot of people over.
Me: Like, over 20 points lower?
MCT: Yeah, pretty much.
Me: I have to go throw up.
MCT: I saw Classmate in court today.

Oh crap, I thought, this is really happening.  ITA at UB is a terrible, terrible program.  The idea behind it is awful, and the implementation is ever worse, but that is beside the point.  I read the handbook, and of course ITA isn't listed (all the first year required courses have different penalties for failing).  I email my professor, and randomly the Director of Academic Support.  Email to professor is professional, email to DoAS is professional, but I also mention my shock, horror, and sense of doom.

Well, DoAS kicked major behind on this, and got back to me the next day.  She informed me that I had not handed in my final paper.  You know, the 30 PAGE BRIEF WORTH 40% of the final grade.  This shocked me.  I stood in line for (no joke) an hour and fifteen minutes to hand that sucker in, have my name checked off a list, my student ID verified, and make sure my brief was correctly packaged for anonymous grading.  I told DoAS that I had it in my hand, with an official UB grade sheet.  DoAS called my professor, who verified my grade.

Needless to say, my only emotion was elation.  But this is just the story, the facts, the what happened.  Enjoy it for what it is, because in my next post or two, I am going to try to do some hard, honest writing about grades, and how they really make you feel.  I am generally a pretty unflappable guy, I famously directed traffic at an amusement park accident while the "certified nurse" had a panic attack.  But let me tell you... an F in law school... man...

Politicians Behaving Awesomely

I must confess, that despite my law school habits, I generally am not a huge fan of current politics.  I say informed, and am able to articulate my own opinions, and vote accordingly, but I personally like to keep a low profile in this area.

Maryland politics, my adoptive home, are slowly unraveling themselves to me, which is nice, but I still don't know all the players and arenas.  So at my internship this week, something really struck me.  A gentleman brought suit against the State, alleging negligence on the part of the police and other administrative agencies.  I am not going to go very far into detail, but it was not a police brutality case, it was more along the lines of the police lawfully taking property into custody, but then either stealing it, allowing it to be stolen, or simply losing it.  At least, that is what this man's complaint alleges.

Well, the value of the property was pretty high, but still small claims court.  And this man is not well versed in the law, however defense counsel for the State quite obviously is.  So as his case is called, a stately dressed woman heads up to the trial table, but doesn't introduce herself as record, as per usual.  My Judge goes through the opening, and it turns out that due to the vast amount of witnesses, the case needs to be specially set.

After the case, sitting in My Judge's chambers, we are discussing the case (mostly because defense counsel mentioned through proffer that she does not believe Res Ipsa Loquitur applies.  My Judge asked me my opinion, and I told him I thought it was a tough argument and gave my reasons, and to which he replied "Nice work" which I am still feeling good about.

But more importantly, he explained that the woman assisting the plaintiff is a city council woman.  She apparently entered herself in writing as a interested party, stating that this is one of her constituents, and since it is important to him, it is important to her.  And therefore, she spent a half day in court today, and will be spending another half day when the case is reset.

That really struck me.  First of all, she is a city council woman GOING UP AGAINST THE STATE, including the MAYOR'S OFFICE and THE CHIEF OF POLICE.  There is no way she is making friends by doing this.  Bad politics? Sure sounds like it.  But at the same time, isn't that why we vote for people? To represent our rights, against others as necessary, whether or not other people like it? The point of a democratic government is to be able to have officials tied to their constituents, not their other government cronies.

And I am sure this may be a bit of a publicity stunt.  I am sure this council woman will remind people of this come election season.  Even with that, it was authentic.  She spent from 1-5 in the courtroom today, and will spend at least that long again.  And she was doing real, useful help for this man, who is going up against the powerful state.

A refreshing look at politics.

You Can't Make This Stuff Up

(You Can't Make This Stuff Up is a series of articles detailing the "human" side of my legal experience.  These will be stories that have a strong personal element, be it funny, touching, or just plain bizarre.  You can read more of them by using the label "YCMTSU")

For the law journal write on, the lead case dealt primarily with Fourth Amendment issues, including the police's ability to obtain a DNA sample from anyone taken into police custody.  It was a Maryland case, and the UB write on rules state that you can cite to any case that the lead case cites.

One of the cases cited by the lead case involved the seizure of illegal drugs during an arrest.  The police indicated that an informant had told them the suspect kept the drugs "between his cheeks," clearly indicating his backside.  The police followed the suspect and the informant to an abandoned car wash, where an illegal transaction occurred.  While effectuating the arrest, an officer seized evidence from, well, "between the suspect's cheeks." Later, the suspect argued that these were "not in plain sight" and therefore, required a warrant.

While I am not fully versed in the relative merits of this argument, the discussion never got very deep.  On direct examination, the lead detective in the case testified that the baggie the drugs were contained in was visible to the naked eye due to the suspect wearing his pants very low. This alone is comedy gold, now you know why your mother always tells you to pick up your pants!  Not only is it classy dressing, but it also can protect you from warrant-less search and seizure.

The key laugh out loud moment, however, came in the last paragraph of the opinion, in which the judge noted, "Perhaps if he didn't want these private areas of his body subjected to police search, he shouldn't have displayed them to the general public."

And that, my friends, is valid Maryland case law.

There is no summary judgment at district court

Who knew?  But, after having reviewed the Maryland Rules of Civil Procedure, yes, it is true, there is no summary judgment in district court.  See all these useful things I am learning during my internship?

On a more serious note, this does directly relate to my internship.  There also are no real written opinions, and very few questions of substantive law at district court.  Therefore, while I get to see a lot, and I am actually learning a ton, I don't do much in the way of "work" for My Judge.  So far the most important project I have completed successfully updating My Judge's trial manual with the past two years worth of supplements and changes.

Therefore, I was really, really excited when he very seriously told me he had a month long project for me to work on.  And it involves LEGAL RESEARCH.  So I happily ran to school the very next day, and printed out a few hundred cases, and dug into my undergrad days to find some scholarly journals of a non-legal nature, and began reading.

It is also amazing how much more excited you get about legal work when you aren't having it shoved forcibly down your throat 6 days a week.  It's really refreshing.

BUY MY STUFF!!!

I am selling some of my used textbooks that I no longer need.  I have them listed on Half.com and Ebay, but I would also be more than willing to sell them at a deep discount to a reader of this blog (additionally we can cut out the middle man).

The ones I have are:

Criminal Law by Cook, Malone, Marcus, and Moohr.  I have the Sixth Edition.  This book isn't very widely used because it has typos, classes generally used the revised 7th edition.  However, as my Criminal Law professor pointed out, both books have the same pagination, so they can be used interchangeably.  The only real errors are things like incorrect citations and other small errors.  My copy is in near perfect condition, the only marks are where I wrote my name on the inside front cover, as well as the pages of one or two reading assignments.

Studies in Contract Law by Ayers and Speidel.  7th Edition.  This book is a very common first year K book, I used it both semesters for Contracts I and II.  I bought my copy used, and it is in rough shape.  It is heavily marked and has some coffee stains.  I didn't mark it or cause the coffee stains, the previous owner did, so it goes to show that the book is entirely readable.  If you are the type that doesn't mind other people's underlining, you can pick up my copy cheap.

Torts: Cases and Questions by Farnsworth and Grady.  Second Edition.  My copy is in near perfect condition, I bought it new, used it one semester.  Only mark is my name on the inside front cover.  Also, the print on the spine is rubbed off a bit.

If you think you are interested, either hit me up in the comments or check out my profile which should provide an attached email address.  I can provide pictures and ISBN numbers if you want to make absolutely certain you are getting the right book.  I would probably ship them media mail, but if you want I can expedite it.

As stated above, I will provide a deep discount to a reader of this blog, and please don't hesitate to forward to any of your 1L friends.

Internship Update

My summer internship is in full swing.  I am currently doing two days a week with a district court judge.  So far, this has been an amazing experience.  Although there is not very much substantive legal work, as there are no real opinions to be drafted, I am so far learning a lot.  For some reason, My Judge has seemingly endless time to explain everything he does throughout the day to me, including certain facts that his decisions turn on.  Also, he makes it a point to introduce me to tons of lawyers and other judges each time an opportunity presents itself.

It isn't paid, of course, so I have been spending the rest of my time looking for work... but nonetheless I seriously can't say enough about how awesome this opportunity is.  And don't worry, there are plenty of great stories associated with it that I will be sharing.

Law Journal Journal: Part 2

Well, part two is here super fast.  I have had some time to do some writing, fortunately.  If you remember from Law Journal Journal: Part 1, I spent some time goofing off after finals, started on the write on, then regretted it but discovered I was too heavily invested to quit, then pulled an all nighter to get it ready to go.

It is now about 3:00PM, the day it is due.  The deadline is 6:00PM, at the law school library.

Also, please note that each competition packet consists of your casenote (20 pages), the grade release form (1 page) and the official entry form (1 page).  You must have seven copies of each for each journal you are trying out for, there are 4 total.  You also must do one bluebook editing exercise (4 pages) for each journal you want to try out for, additionally, all the edits must be in red ink.  So as you can see, just trying out for one journal requires some 150 copies...

Ok, 3:00PM: Self-imposed deadline hits, I save, email myself a copy, put a copy on my flash drive, get dressed, and head out the door.

3:15PM: I arrive at Rite-Aid, where I purchase an energy drink and red pens.  I select a "variety pack" that has one red pen, one blue pen, and one black pen.  This is important later.

3:30PM: I arrive at school, having downed the energy drink, and head to the computer lab.  I opt to avoid the law library lab, and head instead for the general purpose one.

3:32PM: There are four people in the lab, all working on the casenote.  I nod hello, and begin working.  Of course, as soon as I pull up my paper, I begin to notice errors, and start editing.  Again.

4:00PM: My next self-imposed deadline passes, so I stop what I am doing and hit print.  The printer is jammed...I poke around inside the door for a few minutes, but it seems hopeless.  Fortunately, there is a second printer in the room, but that one is tied up running off 28 copies for one of my classmates.

4:05PM: Much to my classmates chagrin, my paper somehow squeaks out between copies of hers.  I grab it and run.

4:20PM: I find parking near the UPS store.

4:21PM: I discover the UPS store closes early on Sundays.

4:22PM: I discover the MailBoxes Etc. store closes early on Sundays.

4:23PM: I discover the independent printing and shipping store closes early on Sundays.

4:35PM: I arrive, dripping sweat, at the FedEx store.  They are open until 8 on Sundays. I purchase envelopes and begin making copies.  While the copy machine is running, I start to fill out my bluebook exercises.  I have already done 8 of the 10, so I only have to do the remaining 2, and then begin copying them.

4:36PM: I open my new red pen, and notice that it is only 1.5 inches long, and "mini" model.

4:37PM: I complete the next blue book exercise.

4:38PM: The red pen stops writing.  I shake it, I hold it between my fingers, I write fast scribbles in my notebook, I suck on it, nothing.  I take it apart.  Nothing.

4:40PM: I am informed that FedEx only sells blue and black pens.

4:41PM: I arrive at the CVS.  The door is locked.  The sign says open until 5.  An elderly woman with a walker comes up behind me.  She begins hitting the door.  Apparently she has prescriptions to pick up.  The CVS employee comes to the door and gestures that it is closed.  I point to the sticker on the window that says open until 5.  He runs his finger under his neck in a gesture that many use to mean "You are dead."  I wonder if maybe he is talking about the woman yelling about her "blood medications."  I attempt to simply force the door open.  The police officer tells me to stop.

4:50PM: I stop off at my car.  Inside, I frantically look for a red pen (I usually tons of pens in my car) but for some reason my car is really clean on the inside.  I remind myself to later see if it was maybe broken into recently.

4:53PM: In pure desperation, as only a law student knows how to, I take the pen apart, and bite the ink cartridge.  Sticky, sweet, ink runs all over my mouth.  I frantically try to dip the tip of other pens in the ink and write with it, quill style.  It doesn't work.  I try dragging the broken ink cartridge across the paper.  It works, but is mostly messy.

4:55PM: I run back to FedEx, asking everyone along the way if they have a red pen.  For some reason, people won't even talk to me.

5:01PM: Back at FedEx, I ask everyone in the store if they have a red pen.  The cashier, who I asked for one from before, tells me to leave the other customers alone.

5:02PM: I complete the last editing exercise in black ink.

5:15PM: I make all my copies, and begin stuffing envelopes.

5:16PM: I discover FedEx has the most amazing stapler ever.  Seriously, this thing drives right through hundreds of pages with no effort.

5:35PM: I approach the register, and send my packets in, certified mail.  I ask the clerk about 15 times if he can make sure it gets postmarked BEFORE 6.  He assures me it will.

5:43PM: I hand over $60...

5:44PM: Everything is postmarked, sealed, and will be on its way.  I am done.

5:52PM: Sitting in my car, I adjust the rearview mirror that was knocked about during my frantic search for a pen.  I discover that I have red ink literally running down my chin, and it is caked into my teeth.

6:13PM: After chewing two entire packs of gum, I call law school buddy.  Neither of us form coherent sentences, but the general consensus is "never again."

6:14PM: I drive home, go through two toothbrushes and the last half of my giant bottle of listerene, and still tasting ink, collapse into bed.

Law Journal Journal: Part 1

Ho! And what a witty title indeed!  After reading I Don't Wear Skinny Jeans' Diary of a Writing Competition, I thought it might be a good way to share my own experience with the write on competition to the law reviews at UB.  I had been planning on writing this one for a while now, but never really had the motivation.  Please note that all credit for this style really does go to IDWSJ.  Additionally, the writing there is 1) much more regular than here and 2) much more funny than here.

Sometime in the first week of May: I finish my last exam, and begin binge drinking.

A few days later: I wake up, sit at my computer, and do nothing for two days.  I move from my chair once or twice per day to open the door for the Chinese delivery.

Monday, May 10: I begin my internship.  It is awesome, to say the least.  More on that later though.

Tuesday, May 11: The internship continues.  I tell My Judge that my weekend plans involve working on the compeition packet for the write on.

Wednesday, May 12-Sunday, May 16: The competition packet is released, but somehow my college buddy convinces me this would be the best time for him to visit.  I agree.  Drinking, eating, and Wii ensue.

Monday, May 17: My Judge asks me how the write on is going.  I mumble something about reading the topic case when I get home that evening.  Instead, when I get home I play Portal for three hours.

Tuesday, May 18: I spend my lunch break walking to the Barnes and Noble in an attempt to purchase a bluebook.  They are sold out.  So is the law school bookstore, and the University of Maryland bookstore.

Wednesday, May 19: I read the topic case and order all the cited cases printed at the library.  I check FAQs for Portal, but they make no reference to Fourth Amendment rights or DNA search and seizure.  Oh well, it was worth checking.

Thursday, May 20: I go to school and pick up the cited cases, check all the Baltimore area bookstores, still cannot find a bluebook.

Friday, May 21: I spend 9 hours in the library struggling through the case note.  After I get home, I call one of my buddies.  His intentions had always been skip moot court, but get onto law review.  He explains that he worked on it the past two weeks, but has "been drinking for a couple days" and thinks he isn't going to finish it.

Saturday, May 22: I go back to the library for a solid 7 hour session.  I also discover one copy of the bluebook, marked up 10% from the normal price.  I buy it anyways.  On the way home, same law school buddy calls.  We both discuss saying "F%*^ It!" to this whole thing and resuming drinking.  Somewhere during the commiseration, I recount how many hours I have already invested into this whole thing.  He reports similar numbers.  We both agree that after all this time, the only logical step is to finish.

Saturday, May 22, 11:00PM: I count my endnotes: Needed: About 50. Current: 45.  Number Bluebooked: 0

Sunday, May 23, 12:01AM: I have a solid 10 pages written, and begin seriously working on endnotes.  Brew pot of coffee.  Law School Buddy calls, absolutely jubiliant.  He has just changed his font to "Courier New" as per guidelines, and discovered that what he thought was only 6 pages is actually 12.

Sunday, May 23, 12:02AM: I decide to take a nap while the coffee finishes.

Sunday, May 23, 2:14AM: I wake up, curse myself for sleeping too long, and begin drinking cold coffee.

Sunday, May 23, 6:00AM: My endnotes are formatted mostly correctly, so I decide it is time for another nap.

Sunday, May 23, 7:30AM: Alarm clock goes off.  Snooze.

Sunday, May 23, 8:10AM: I decide it is now or never, do or die.  I begin fixing my endotes.

Sunday, May 23, 3:00PM: The packets are due at 6:00PM.  Knowing this, I save my final work, and head out for printing.  What happens next could not be imagined.  Seriously, my little printing excursion makes "The Office" seem like a reasonable place of buisness.  I also discover where the maxim, "If you want it done right, do it yourself" comes from.  I also discover just how little effort minimum wage gets you.  But this post is already too long.  Check back next time for the stunning conclusion.